DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
