sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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