there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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