That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
