singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
