fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Shame - the story of my life.
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