8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
