piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I wear drunk well.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
