3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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