have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
