Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
