Someone shit on the floor
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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