this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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