at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
