i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
