Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
