There was a lot of him and a little penis
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
