the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
