you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i need some magic done to my vagina
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
