Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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