Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
