With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
