How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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