I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I guess when the asshole said āI really miss you and want to get back togetherā he actually meant āIām banging a Hooters girl behind your back.ā
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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