You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
