no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
