how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
