Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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