i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
