If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
