also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
