Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
