Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
