Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
