Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
