I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
