I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
