There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
