I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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