I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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