I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
