you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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