did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
