My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
