So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
