Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
