i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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