Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
