I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
