I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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