girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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